Pro-Happiness
Watch others receiving gifts
Stories help us connect in weird ways. Watch heartwarming videos to feel closer with others and satisfied with the current state of humanity.
Spend money on others
They did this study with employees who got a raise/bonus at work. And everyone was happier in sharing the reward instead of spending them on their own interests. It’s a win-win.
So next time you get a bonus and want to buy something nice for yourself, consider splitting half of it to get a gift for someone else. You’ll be happier.
Seeing faces is emotionally healthy
There are specific brain centers that are adjusting our psychology and biology so that we seek out bonds more aggressively.
With everything being online, you may want to go out and see people you miss.
Pets make you happier
Pets have been shown to reduce anxiety levels and increase happiness. Specifically, petting and grooming make the pet and pet-owner feel better at the same time.
This doesn’t you should go get a pet. But, if you have one, enjoy it.
Brief social connection
Most of our conversations are actually small-talk. But that doesn’t mean they’re not good. In fact, these brief interactions have been shown to increase happiness.
Next time you see a colleague, neighbor, receptionist, take the 1-2 minutes to greet them and ask how their day is going.
Money does not make you happier
There’s a minimum amount ($75k) that correlates with increased happiness. That’s only because your basic needs are met and you offset any stress about making ends meet. But anything more than that has no effect on overall happiness.
Don’t keep your options open all the time
They did a study that let people choose a painting they like with the option of exchanging it in the future. This openness of future choice made people hesitate too much and dislike their primary choice. Hence, robbing them of happiness.
Instead, try to not look back at how you can change something in the past and accept the choice you made.
Stress
Learn to control yourself under deliberate pressure
Cortisol is usually correlated with ‘stress’. Learning how to control your body with elevated cortisol and adrenaline helps you remain calm and clear at high stakes - which improves performance. You can deliberately put yourself in those situations as a way to train.
Train by doing a cold shower, hard conversation, or competition without letting yourself burst out with emotion
Don’t stay in your head all the time
Mind wandering is when you’re just letting yourself think of the past and future instead of the present moment. You’ll start adding anxiety onto yourself without any input from the real-world.
When you notice your mind drifting, in an unhealthy way, just remind yourself of this tool and do something active.
Don't watch the news
You get bombarded with negative stories that show a skewed view of the news, and not the other 90% of good things that happen in the world.
It may be beneficial to unsubscribe from channels or sites that keep feeding you negativity on a day to day basis. You’ll soon notice that most of it is useless anyway.
Friendships
Leave conversations when you feel full
Introverts get sated with less social interaction unlike extroverts. Don’t force yourself to keep a conversation when you get overwhelmed, instead try to exit the conversation.
It might be hard in the beginning, but you’ll notice that every extra minute socializing starts to drain your energy instead of refueling it.
Express gratitude to someone you admire
When you express gratitude to someone, they feel amazing. In fact, most gratitude exercises like writing 3 things you’re grateful for are not helpful. The best way is to receive gratitude.
It’s hard for you to receive gratitude at will. But you can share it with others to make them feel good. And maybe you get a gratitude letter in return. Win-Win.
The more time you spend alone, the more you crave seeing people
There are specific brain centers that are adjusting our psychology and biology so that we seek out bonds more or less aggressively, depending on how sated we are
Stories are the best way to connect with others
When individuals listen to the same narrative, their heart rates tend to synchronize or at least follow a very similar pattern, even if they're not in the same room listening to a given narrative.
That’s why movies are so powerful. If you want to get closer to someone, consider experiencing a story together (road trip) or observing someone else’s (documentary).
Romance
Smell has a huge influence relationships
If someone does not like the way that person smells, their innate body odor, independent of colognes and perfumes and soaps, et cetera, that that's often a complete and total deal breaker.
Not very actionable… but could be the reason why some of your ex-relationships didn’t work out.
Ask deeper questions
The basis of love and attachment comes when our brains/nervous system sync with the other person's. We can get this through dates, touch, shared experiences, etc. or just sharing each other's personal story and narrative.
You can find these questions in the ‘36 questions for love’ article.
Going to various locations with someone makes you feel closer
Novel locations make us feel like we know each other and that we spend time together more than we actually do. That’s why travelling and novel dates make you feel like you know the person a lot despite only recently meeting each other.
Identify and learn about your attachment style
Adults that have a secure attachment style are more likely to find and form long-term relationships than people in the other categories. But people can learn and eventually migrate into the secure attachment style.
You’re either a secure, anxious, avoidant, or ambivalent type. Take an online quiz to figure that out and learn how to reach the secure style
Get physical contact
Physical touch is important because it activates areas of the brain associated with somatosensory and the insular cortex, which are key components of desire, love, and attachment. Additionally, touch helps regulate states of stress and calm through the autonomic nervous system, which is responsible for regulating these states
Get an oxytocin boost
Oxytocin is a hormone associated with love and attachment. It’s released in the body through touch and physical intimacy, activating areas of the brain associated with somatosensory and the insular cortex.
This release of oxytocin helps in pair bonding and long-term attachment.